Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
