White coat. Heels.
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Life is so much better after having sex.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
