Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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