me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
