We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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