So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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