worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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