Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
