my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
