you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
