tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
