I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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