yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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