Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
