i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
