I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
