Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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