The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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