the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
