hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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