Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
