My room smells like vodka and shame
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
