Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
