Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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