apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
