is your mom at the bar?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
