i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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