I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
