I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
