Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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