She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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