The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
