toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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