New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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