Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
