Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Randomize
