I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
