Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
