Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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