I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
BRING THE BAGELS
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
