the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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