we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
