the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
