omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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