this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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