U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
