I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
