i think my tv is drunk
I want to walk on stilts...naked
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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