so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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