can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Let's get the cat blown out
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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