you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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