I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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