Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
