I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
