I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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