allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
