My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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