Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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