I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
