I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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