Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
so much tequila, so little girl.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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