i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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