I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
