She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
