no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
