why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
