She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
