just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
